What do I mean?  On several occasions, the employees engaged me in conversations about very personal topics, or made inappropriate comments (to or about me and my traveling companions).

Many businesses strive to achieve “customer intimacy,” which means you know a lot about your customers and both sides feel engaged in a relationship.  The problem is that it takes time to earn the right to be intimate with your customers, and businesses need to make sure all customer-facing employees understand that.

Earning the intimacy

So how in the heck does a business earn your intimacy? There is no one answer, but some of the things that come to mind:

• Ask and listen: Ask your customer for feedback, ask about their expectations, and then listen to what they say.
• Pay attention : If your customer expresses a preference, try to honor it (better yet, remember that so they don’t have to express it again)
• Do a little extra at any opportunity: In Louisiana, we used the term “Lagniappe” to mean '”a little something extra.”  If you give your customers a little extra attention, they will notice.  Even little things like a bottle of water before they ask for it.
• Be respectful: Customers can tell when you are handling them with care, and taking them seriously.  Don’t just treat them like you want to be treated, do that plus a bit more.
• Anticipate their needs: Some hotels stand out because they give me what I like (such as coffee in the room, a great fitness center, room darkening shades, really comfortable beds, “emergency” supplies for when I forget a toothbrush, easy access to healthy late night snacks or light meals, and so forth.  When I see these things I think, “these folks understand me.”  When you’re dog tired on the road, that’s a nice feeling.  (Hey hotels:  I really love free WiFi…)

What kinds of things have you encountered that helped build customer intimacy?  Please share them here in comments (and any juicy stories of customer intimacy gone bad are welcome, of course!)

This shows the power of “reward” in getting people to change their behaviors.  The challenge:  what is enough to get people to change?  They say that people generally change in order to move toward pleasure, or away from pain.

This is a good thing to keep in mind when motivating yourself and others – is there enough “pleasure” in the change you’re asking people to make?  And is it enough for them to want to bring others along?

“It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.”

I think that is very true from a few, important perspectives:

Perception

• Once upon a time, I worked with a product manager who always seemed overwhelmed.  He hurried from meeting to meeting, walked a bit hunched over, didn’t make much eye contact, and just sounded “down” when you tried to talk with him.  His product was doing “OK, but not great” and you could say the same about him.  The way he acted did not give me or others in the company the confidence that he was the one to help us drive great success in the market.  In short, he didn’t seem to be able to carry his load very well.
• In contrast I have worked with people who, even when everything is hitting the fan, come across as “in control” and exhibit a “can do” attitude.  They are better able to bring people into their world and get them to help create a successful outcome.
• Remember – people want to be part of a winning team’s success.  Does your team feel like a winning one?

Attitude

• Are you a “glass half empty,” “glass half full,” or a “you could do with a smaller glass” kind of person?  Your outlook and attitude will color your actions, so the better your attitude the better your results (in my experience).
• To go back to the product manager example, I have also had the pleasure of working with product managers who sought opportunity at every turn – even competitive losses – and managed to drive a successful business against the odds.  How?  A great attitude, hard work, and a compelling vision.  If that’s doesn’t describe you, maybe you’re in the wrong role.

Belief

• Underlying all of this is whether you believe you can succeed or not, which is rooted in whether you believe in yourself.  Do you?  It’s OK to be afraid, but you need to be on your own team – no matter what.
• If you believe in yourself but don’t believe in what you’re doing, it’s time to switch to something you do believe in.

Remember:  when you interact with people, you typically either add energy or drain energy during the interaction.  Which describes you?  What can you do to recognize when you’re draining the energy from the room?  What can you do to up the level of positive energy you emit?

Here are the links I mentioned in the video:

• Order “The Backchannel”
• Order “Beyond Bullet Points”
• Read my review of “Beyond Bullet Points”

Also, please leave a comment and let me know what you think of this format for book reviews and blog entries.

(By the way – thanks to Matt Hixson for the nudge in finally doing this)

When I initially read the title, I was interested but a little hesitant – is this a business book, or a relationship book? After digging in, I have to say it is really both of those things in one.

This book is an interactive book designed to help you analyze the assumptions and hypotheses that drive how you interact with the world.  As the author says, “You create your own life, the belief system, and the life you live.” 

Through this book, you’ll discover techniques to help you:

• Recognize and reframe your hypotheses
• Create new perspective
• Understand why you might beat yourself up about things in your life.

Thoughts on the exercises

The exercises in this book are challenging ones – make sure you approach them when you have plenty of time and energy, and the right mindset.  Many of them require deep reflection and candor (with yourself) to get the most out of them.

For example, the exercise where you name your existing hypothesis about life and write a new one was hard for me the first time I tried to do it – I was tired and crabby and I got fed up and quit. 

I came back to the same exercise another day when I was fresh and in a good mood and it was much easier.

I also found that it was helpful to write my responses to the exercises out on a yellow legal pad – I felt constrained by the amount of space in the book for some exercises, and I also found the yellow legal pad more forgiving when I wanted to have a “redo” on some of the exercises.

Be open to the process

Another aspect of the exercises was that some of them felt a bit “not meant for me” – but I did them anyway.  I found that even the ones that didn’t feel natural to me added value to some of the other exercises I did later.  It would have been easy to just jump over a couple of them (in fact I did, then went back and did them anyway).  I urge you to resist that temptation.

I now have a lot of things to think about and a new set of hypotheses to help me change how I see and interact with the world.  I don’t yet know the impact of this shift but I already feel less guilty about some of the things that have been bothering me.

If you are irritated or unhappy with things in your life, or you just want to feel more in control of your destiny I recommend you check out a copy of “Falling In Love With Your Life,” and spend some quality time working on the exercises.

Now, I’m giving my copy back to my daughter.  I think she’ll like it.

I set aside some time on Sunday night to reduce my “travel weight” by getting rid of some things in my bag.  Here are some strategies to help you if you decide you want to lighten your load:

1. Move into a smaller place

   • Nothing forces decisions like having to fit your stuff into a smaller laptop bag.  This is a good strategy if you want to become less of a packrat with the things you carry along with you.

2. Start with a clean slate

   • This is an extreme approach.  You empty your bag ad put in absolutely the bare minimum of “stuff” back in.  Travel like that for a while, and only add in things that a) you discovered that you really needed during a trip; and b) you are absolutely sure you will need within your next 3 trips.

3. Find lighter alternatives to the things you carry

   • This is the kind of approach that extreme backpackers take when they select their backpacking gear – ultralight tents, cups, etc.  You don’t have to go that far, but you could do things like:
     • carry a Kindle instead of books;
     • carry a smaller note pad instead of the larger one you’ve been lugging around;
     • stop carrying chargers you seldom use on the road;
     • find multi-purpose items (like a single charger that will charge multiple devices)

4. Audit your stuff

   • If you can’t decide what to leave behind and what to keep, audit your bag at the end of each trip.  What things did you ignore, what things did you use?  Are there things you can drop from your bag for your next trip?  If you’re not sure, leave it behind and see how much you miss it.
   • If you are a GTD follower, you could weave this into part of your inbox processing at the end of a trip – don’t just empty your inbox -- empty your bag, too.

These are just some ideas to help you lose some weight really quickly and make it easier on your back.  Got strategies of your own?  I’d love to hear them.

Some things to think about for this year:

• How are you allowing others to limit you or keep you from achieving great things?
• What risks can you take that would tap into your passion and strengths?
• Are you being ambitious or persistent enough?
• Who can coach or mentor you to help you bring out your best?
• What things are you doing now that feel like a waste of your time and talents, and how can you stop doing them?

Happy new year!  And make sure you are in the game in 2010.

I was a little annoyed at first, but it ended up being a blessing in disguise.  I decided to treat my lack of connectivity as a sign I should just relax and enjoy the time away - and I'm glad I did.

If you (like me) are in the habit of staying plugged in during your vacations, I suggest you try to spend a few days off the grid (totally - not just faking it) and see if you enjoy it as much as I did.

On the plus side:

• The camera on my iPhone worked great even if I had not data signal, and I was able to snap the shot in this post (click for larger view);
• I got a bit of reading done between the skiing and playing board games by the fire which means I'll be posting some book reviews (and a couple of gadget reviews) soon.

"A small thing you nail can be better than a big thing you fail."
-- James B. Johnson

I was in a meeting the other day and we were discussing some objectives for a new team that is forming, and Jim (my CEO) said the line above.  He has been quite effective in getting our company to increase our success in both large and small things, so I tend to listen to what he says.  As many of us begin to make plans and set lofty goals for 2010 (personally and professionally) I thought this quote was worth sharing.

The balance can be tricky - I know of many times when I have set some seemingly impossible goals, only to one day discover I've achieved them.  But I can think of many more lofty goals that I never got done.

Making the impossible happen

So what's the difference?  I'd say the successful "impossible goals" that were accomplished in spite of their 'impossibleness' had a few things in common:

• Heartfelt commitment.  Each of the impossible goals that got done was something I deliberately committed to, far beyond just lip service and platitudes.
• Sustained passion.  These goals also tended to be things I could not only get excited about, but I could stay passionate about.
• Engaged others.  I think this is linked to the sustained passion - I am good at evangelizing the things I'm passionate about, and that's when I recruit others to my cause.
• Clarity of desired outcome.  This is not always what it seems - these outcomes are specific, but not in a checklist sort of way.  For me, the best outcomes are framed in terms of what it will feel and 'be' like when we are successful.
• A good idea of how to get there.  It's kind of like David Allen talks about in his "Getting Things Done" model - you won't be successful until you can see yourself doing it.  That doesn't mean you have all the answers, but it does mean you have a good idea of some of the things you need to do to get the answers.

Get your wins along the way

The interesting aspect of Jim's quote above is that you need to feel like you can win.  The art here is to set at least some goals that are challenging, but that have a high probability of getting done.  If you never win, you never feel like a winner, and you can create an unhealthy dynamic within your team.

I've seen lots of sports teams where it took one good win to turn the tide from a losing record to a winning one - there is something very powerful in the psychology of even a small win.

This is true at many levels:

• As managers, part of our job is to help our teams feel challenged, but to have enough wins along the way that they feel like winners. 
• As team members, we need to hold our teams accountable to blending the possible with the impossible.
• As parents, we need to help our kids learn to set goals that stretch them but allow them to taste success on a regular basis.
• As individuals, we need to set our own goals with the same philosophy. 

It's a delicate - but very important - balance.

How do you approach this challenge?  Any best practices (or hard-won lessons) to share?

A while back, I broke my Bluetooth car kit (I knocked it out of the car onto the concrete - doh!).  I did without a car kit for a while, but my state (Oregon) will begin to require hands-free devices for all cell phone use in cars beginning January 1, 2010.  As I was looking for a new device, I discovered the Jabra Cruiser.  This is a compact device that clips on your visor, providing an unobtrusive option for handsfree calling.

This device was very easy to set up, and paired with my iPhone automatically - much easier than with any of my previous Bluetooth devices. The controls are very simple to figure out and it is easy to use without creating lots of dangerous distractions while driving.

Hey Listen - I'm on the radio!

But the fun doesn't stop there.  One of the other things I really like about the Jabra Cruiser is that it has a built-in FM transmitter.  This means:

• I can either use the Cruiser's built-in speaker for calls, or I can pipe the call audio through my car stereo.
• I can use the Jabra Cruiser as a "relay" to stream music, podcasts, etc. to my stereo without any additional cables, adapters, etc. Note that this requires a phone that supports Bluetooth Stereo (A2DP), such as any iPhone with v3 or higher firmware.
• The added advantage of using this device as a relay for my iPhone's audio is that I can listen to podcasts while driving and, when a call comes in, the audio is automatically paused while I take the call and the podcast resumes when I hang up.  Way cool.

Nice quality audio

Easy to hear

I've tried other FM transmitters for my iPhone before, but I returned every one of them because their signals were too weak and I got a lot of hissing and static over my car stereo.  In contrast, I am very pleased with the Jabra Cruiser's quality over FM. 

The Cruiser will automatically find and announce (with its built-in voice) the frequency to which you should tune your stereo.  I have been using the FM capabilities for a while now and, while I've heard static occasionally when I'm near large power lines, I haven't  been bothered by static or hissing with this device.  I think one of the things that makes a huge difference is that the Jabra Cruiser uses its wire visor clip as an antenna, which seems to greatly improve the effectiveness of its FM transmitter.

You can pause and resume audio using the Jabra's buttons which means you can start music on your phone while it's still in your pocket.  If your device supports it (alas, the iPhone does not) you can move to the next or previous track with the Jabra's controls, too.

If you would rather use the built-in speaker, it is loud and clear - easily heard in a moving car.

Easy to be heard

Callers have commented that I am easy to hear on the Jabra Cruiser, and that it does a nice job of filtering out background noise and road noise (and this is true whether I use the built-in speaker or the FM stereo audio output during calls).

In case you're wondering how it sounds, I left a short message on my voice mail using the Jabra Cruiser while driving, and you can have a listen by clicking the following link (now updated in MP3 format for broader device support):

 Sample Audio from Jabra Cruiser call (Now in MP3)

Other features

There are a number of other useful features provided by the Jabra Cruiser, as well (all subject to your phone supporting the feature over Bluetooth):

• Voice dialing
• Address book support so that incoming callers can be announced by name
• Support for multiple languages (English, French
• Multipoint device support so you can connect to 2 devices at once
• Great battery life (rated at 14 hours talk-time and 13 days standby time)

In short, I really like the Jabra Cruiser - it's far better than any Bluetooth car kit I've ever used.  (And I am happy I'll be quite legal when January 1 rolls around!) 

By the way - if you order through Amazon, it's elegible for free 2nd Day Air shipping in the US via the Amazon Prime program, so you can get it in time for Christmas if you want to give it as a gift.

Author Paul D'Souza knows where you're coming from.  As an experienced sales guy he has done a lot of the analysis for you and his book, "The Market Has Changed - Have You?" is just what you might need to develop your own strategy to adapt to the new market dynamics.

Paul's book takes you through 25 steps exemplifying what he refers to as the "Wha-Do" sales philosophy (apparently, "Wha-Do" means "The Way of Harmony" in Japanese).  This philosophy is all about creating leverage through people (relationships) and applying repeatable principles and business practices.

(Paul has more on the Wha-Do philosophy on his site)

A solid foundation

A lot of the concepts Paul brings to bear are rooted in things you've heard before - setting goals, understanding your motivation, setting out a plan, developing discipline in how you execute, etc.  But a couple of aspects are different in this book.

First, Paul comes at this from the perspective of a sales person.  If you're involved in selling, you know that you hear "no" more often than you hear a "yes" so it's vital that you have clarity of purpose and a compelling reason to keep driving until you get another "yes."  The methods Paul exposes in this book will "snap in" to your selling workflow pretty easily without feeling unnatural or fluffy.

Second, this is as much a workbook as it is a reading book.  The book is filled with worksheets, cues, and examples to enable you to go from a cerebral understanding of the material well into the next step of documenting and personalizing the content.  In other words, if you really follow the process and use the worksheets provided in the book, you'll have your own plan - not just a bunch of new ideas.

It's about what you bring to the table

I think Paul's methods work because they tap into your inner strengths and motivations, but they are also anchored in creating clear and compelling value for your customers.  By design, this will drive you to better understand your customers and why they buy so you can increase the odds that your approach and message will resonate with them.

They also help bring you beyond your "one against the world" view and tap into your colleagues, your mentors, and even your customers themselves to increase your success.

This is a compelling read and well worth your time if you're a sales or marketing professional looking for an advantage. 

But this book is not just for hardcore sales people.  It will also help anyone who relies on relationships in their job, such as doctors, dentists, personal trainers, retailers, investment bankers, business development, alliances people, and more.

Check it out, and start adapting to the new reality of the market.

Support for landscape-mode reading.

• This capability was already included on the larger Kindle DX, and now works on Kindle 2 devices.  There is no sensor in the device, so you change the orientation of the screen manually from a new option in the text menu (at right).

Native support for PDF files. 

• You can get them on your device in 2 ways:
• Email them to a special address that sends them to the Kindle for 15 cents per megabyte.
• Connect the Kindle to your computer via the USB cable and drag your PDF files over to the Kindle - this is free.

Longer battery life on the global wireless version.

• This will allow you to read for up to a week - even with the wireless on.  Apparently, this doesn't improve wireless battery life on the US-only version since the US version uses a different wireless technology.

The option to convert your PDF's to the Kindle format

• Converting your documents to the native Kindle format can sometimes make them more readable as this will allow them to be reformatted based on your selected font size (this requires you to use the email-based conversion process, which costs 15 cents per megabyte).

How do you get the Kindle update?

You'll receive the update automatically over wireless in the next few weeks. If, like me, you are impatient, Amazon has provided instructions for updating your Kindle to the new firmware manually.  It's a piece of cake - I installed mine in less than 10 minutes and it worked flawlessly.

If you're thinking about a Kindle, let me just tell you this:  I have had mine since the Kindle 2 was released early this year and I haven't gotten tired of it yet.  In fact, I'm growing even fonder of my Kindle since I can carry so many books with me with so little effort (and yes, I've used the iPhone Kindle app - it doesn't hold a candle to the Kindle).

Whether you want to pick one up for yourself or as a gift, I recommend you become a Kindle owner and pick one up, especially since they lowered the price recently.  If you're still on the fence, you can read my initial review of the Kindle 2 for more data.

The moral?  Be good to your customers - and, when you screw up, take responsibility for it and try to make it right.

By the way - if you want the "back story" on this incident, the guy has also put it on his blog.  It sounds like United eventually came around (somewhat) from the saga told here, but it could have been much better for their image if they'd just paid to have the guy's guitar fixed after they allowed it to be broken during the baggage handling process.

I think that concept can apply to other parts of life, to some degree.  If you keep doing the same thing week in & week out, the routine can get  a bit dull, and you don't improve your skills as much as when things were new and challenging.

So, what kinds of things can you do to change up your routine and make it challenging again?  Here are some ideas (a mix of personal and professional kinds of things):

• Read a different kind of book to make your mind think about new things.
  If you usually read fiction, read some non-fiction.  If you usually read management books, read some fantasy.  If you usually read self-help books, try reading a few biographies instead. 
• Take on a new project in an unfamiliar area.
  Sometimes, nothing helps get your juices going like working on something unfamiliar.  Ask to be involved in (or even lead) a project in a new area.
• Swap the cerebral for the physical.
  If you normally spend most of your time in front of your computer, how about starting a project or activity that requires you to get out and do something physical? It could be sports-related, or it could be carpentry, or even just cleaning out your garage.  Get moving!
• Put yourself out there.
  Volunteer to teach something - even holding a brown bag lunch on a topic you know can be challenging fun.  Start presenting - either at work or in a group like Toastmasters.  Or, do a video blog or something you've never done before online.

And there are, of course, lots of other possibilities. 

So, what do you think?  Does this ring true for you?  What have you done to mix things up in your life that you'd recommend to others?

Hopefully you'll find something useful here to make your travel a bit easier in the coming weeks and months.  And, as always, if you have any must-have travel tools I'd love to hear about them.

Related items

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